Back to "Life"

Wow. I have just looked at the date of my last post. November 2008?

To tell you the truth, I was seriously looking at retiring from the hand painting of silk scarves business. This past December, my husband and I discovered I was pregnant....with TWINS! A few months later we found out that we were expecting a boy and a girl to be born in July. Timothy and Addison.

All interest was focused on our two children. We moved from our hip downtown apartment to a cozy home in the suburbs. It's a great neighbourhood. By many parks and trails, and oh yeah.... The Zoo! We were so excited.

On April 6, I went into preterm labour. Our children were born at five 1/2 months. They were too small to survive.

My husband and I were devastated.

Weeks later he went back to work. I just could not function. I was spaced out, depressed, my hair even fell out. My husband shaved it down completely. Actually, my features could carry it off. My new look looked great, but for me it was another blatant reminder of what had occurred.

I started going to counselling. A Self Help Group. I just needed to do something different. April 6Th was rock bottom, but there were many days, when I felt like I was going to hit it again. I have only been to two sessions. The sessions are bi-weekly. It is in a group session, with other parents who have suffered a perinatal loss.

The sessions are put on by Perinatal Bereavement Services Ontario(P.B.S.O). Their focus is on families who had suffered a pregnancy loss due to ectopic pregnancy, miscarriage, stillbirth, or neonatal death.

Also, I have taken up gardening. I absolutely love it. I think it is about the fact that it puts you into nurturing mode. Caring for something so young and green, and watching it bloom before your eyes. In the backyard, I have four flower beds. One is dedicated to Timmy and Addi. Their room was to be decorated in blue, and green,so I found perennials in those colours. I bought the Green Envy Echinaceae(for Addi) and the Blue Clips Bellflower (for Timmy). They bloom well into the fall so we could always have them with us.

I have also decided to start painting again. Art is beautiful, and silk hand painting is a beautiful distraction. Timothy and Addison would have had a creative Mommy. I am still their Mommy, and how my husband and I live, well... we would want them to embrace it. We miss them terribly, but the loss cannot define us in a negative way.

So there you go. I am back to painting. Slowly, but surely. This particular blog was therapeutic. I would like to maintain the "adventures of DeeBozzz Designer Silks". I hope you don't mind though...On occasion, I may take my two children along for the ride.